thinking about gender-neutral pronouns

There have been, and still are, many attempts to address the problem of gender-neutral pronouns in the English language – that is to say, the lack of such pronouns, and the result this lack has on how we define gender identity beyond the conventional dichotomy of male/female. The table below highlights two common ones:

	Subject	Object	Possessive Adjective	Possessive Pronoun	Reflexive
Female	She	Her	Her	Hers	Herself
Male	He	Him	His	His	Himself
Gender Neutral	Ze /zee/	Hir /here/	Hir /here/	Hirs /heres/	Hirself /hereself/
Spivak	E /ee/	Em /em/	Eir /air/	Eirs /airs/	Emself /emself/

I can’t say that I find either of them satisfying. The “hear” sound of the gender neutral set sounds forced when spoken aloud – the “ear” in “hir” is more stretched out than the “er” in “her” or “im” in “him.” As for Spivak, the object pronoun makes me think of Auntie Em, and while I kinda like “emself,” the fact that “eir” sounds identical to a real word – “air” – isn’t appealing. It just sounds weird and adds hot air to a sentence, as it were. I don't like "E" as a subject pronoun, either. It sounds too much like "He," for one thing.

“Them” and “they” are apparently in use as singular gender-neutral pronouns, but blurring the distinction between singular and plural strikes me as an invitation to confusion.

So what to use? The rules a new set of gender-neutral pronouns should adhere to are, I believe:

1. Distinct from gender pronouns.
2. Short phonemes; the pronouns should be unobtrusive in a sentence.
3. Easy to read, especially in relation to the common gender pronouns.

And so, my own humble proposal in accordance with these rules, starting with the Ze subject pronoun that actually works very well. I'll assume the pronunciation is straightforward...

	Subject	Object	Possessive Adjective	Possessive Pronoun	Reflexive
Proposed	Ze	Ez	Ej	Ej	Esself

Example, from The Scarlet Pimpernel:

"The terrible danger in which Percy stood, now that ze was actually on French soil, became suddenly and horribly clear to ej. Chauvelin was close upon ej heels; here in Calais, the astute diplomatist was all-powerful; a word from ez and Percy could be tracked and arrested"
- Baroness Orczy, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Ch. 23

And the original passage for reference:

"The terrible danger in which Percy stood, now that he was actually on French soil, became suddenly and horribly clear to her. Chauvelin was close upon his heels; here in Calais, the astute diplomatist was all-powerful; a word from him and Percy could be tracked and arrested"
- Baroness Orczy, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Ch. 23

Sure, it's strange at first...but I think one would get used to it after a few paragraphs.

What do you think?